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That's what nosotros said to each other. And we meant it.

Don was 52 when we met. I was 44. We met at a 3-day hypnotherapy-training workshop. Don was working as a neuropsychologist but had a secret life every bit a shaman doing soul retrieval. I had a do as a by-life and early childhood regression therapist. We were both in relationships at the time.

After the 3-day training nosotros decided to run across to practice the new techniques we'd learned. For about a year nosotros'd gather every two weeks or so and do a therapy session for each other. It was then baroque. In the session each of us would be securely self-revealing. Afterwards all what'south the point of doing therapy if yous're not willing to get deep into the places that demand to be healed. As shortly every bit the sessions were over Don would revert to being mister professional Doctor Read, and I would exist flakey new-historic period therapist Alison totally intimidated by him. It's amazing the enormous help we were able to be for each other in these therapy sessions given the dynamic betwixt us.

During this time we became friends of a sort. Nosotros were both part of Vancouver'south "spiritual" community and would see each other at parties. We met each other'due south partners. The following year I moved from Vancouver to live in the far north for a couple of years. Don came for a vacation and stayed with u.s.a. for 10 days. He became friends with my boyfriend.

Don had previously been married for more than ten years. My "childhood" marriage lasted all of 18 months. I thought I was then mature waiting until I was 21 to get married. By 22 I was separated, and by 23 divorced. Finally complimentary! What followed our marriages, for both of u.s., were a series of more and more dysfunctional relationships. Each of us was skilful for about three years. We were both also unmarried on and off for many years. Nosotros were the Rex and Queen of how not to do intimate relationship. The human relationship Don was in when nosotros starting time met was an off-once again on-once more and finally off-once more affair. The same for me and my young man at the time. The only manner I could become out of that relationship was to just upward and go out for Commonwealth of australia. I stayed for half dozen months during which fourth dimension Don had yet another disastrous thing. I licked my wounds at abode with my mother and big sisters.

On my return to Canada nosotros reconnected. I was emotionally shredded from a lifetime of self-sabotage, and from years of hurting myself through getting involved, ane after another, with the incorrect men. I was not able to communicate clearly – with myself, let alone with my partner. I was intimidated in every relationship, and always afraid of being rejected. Don, bless him, felt a calling to take care of me. It was a pretty low point in my life, but at to the lowest degree I had a job, a roof over my head thank you to my sister, and a friend in Don. Don had just emerged from another truly disastrous affair that had left him feeling done. Nosotros were both so done. Washed, cooked, finished with relationships. It was time to stick a fork in u.s. both!

At this bespeak we'd known each other for a little over 4 years. For the side by side eight months nosotros'd get together about twice a calendar week. We'd go to movies, go for walks, go out for dinner, and talk our heads off. When nosotros went for walks sometimes we'd sit with our arms around each other – a sign of the closeness of our friendship. And we were really clear that that'southward all it was. It was during this time that we told each other, more than one time, that we never always ever wanted to be in another relationship again. Always! And nosotros both meant information technology. We were non remotely attracted to each other beyond our sweet friendship. We felt very rubber with each other because neither of u.s. had a hidden agenda, or was feeling unrequited love.

Then it happened. We'd been to a moving picture and then went to a eating place for dessert. I went to the bathroom. It was situated such that when I came dorsum Don, sitting at the table, had his dorsum to me. Without thinking I spontaneously hugged him around his shoulders from behind. It was electric. We both look dorsum at that time and know that that was when everything changed. Don doesn't remember me putting my artillery around him. He only remembers that when I sabbatum down he knew that he was in love with me. There is no explaining it. Information technology's equally though somebody flipped a switch. All of a sudden we were in love with each other and there was no turning back. Of grade goose egg was acknowledged at the fourth dimension, merely it only took us a few more days. That first kiss was pretty terrifying.

About a week afterward I had a dream that I was riding a horse in an intricate pattern all around and up and downwardly and dorsum and forth over light-green rolling hills that reminded me of the English countryside. When I awoke I knew immediately that I had been making a design. In the next instant I knew that it was the design for how not to practise relationships. And in the adjacent instant after that I knew that if I had the design for how not to do a human relationship then by holding it up to a mirror I automatically had the blueprint for how to do it.

Within nine months we were living together and were married iii years subsequently in 2002. I was 51 and Don was 59. To this day nosotros are shocked by the way it of a sudden turned around. And profoundly grateful. We think God played a trick on u.s.; a very good pull a fast one on.

Of form all this begs the question: how's it working out for you guys? I've pretty much covered that in this post about being together twenty-four seven.

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Photos: Top – Playa del Carmen, Mexico. Bottom – a selfie on the ferry – returning to Playa after a day snorkelling off Cozumel.

Next mail: Snorkelling Cozumel, parasailing, and swimming with turtles.

All words and images by Alison Louise Armstrong unless otherwise noted
© Alison Louise Armstrong and Adventures in Wonderland – a pilgrimage of the heart, 2010-2016.